


I'm a Setter, Not a Sitter

by karasinovolleyball



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Babysitters, Babysitting, Friends to Lovers, Gen, Hinata and Kageyama fucking love Power Rangers, Hinata is so smol, Humor, M/M, Nosebleed, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, So smol, and Kageyama is always seeking approval, and he just wants to learn how to serve, can Iwaizumi babysit 3 children, child!Hinata, child!Kageyama, read to find out, serve a volleyball, so precious, the two smol crows and his best friend, week long babysitting, will Oikawa survive?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-23
Updated: 2015-08-31
Packaged: 2018-04-13 23:15:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 10,038
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4541169
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/karasinovolleyball/pseuds/karasinovolleyball
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>Oikawa stared at the front door. Behind it stood regret in the form of two (probably) snotty little children that were now his responsibility. There was no time for him to think of what he should have done or what he shouldn’t have done. And then, as he opened the front door and stared down the small pair of children, he could already feel that perhaps he was already in over his head. </i>
</p>
<p>aka the Iwaoi-babysitting-smol-kags-and-hinata-for-a-week au that nobody asked for</p>
<p>
  <b>cuttently on a small hiatus</b>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Day 1, Part 1: Tiny Trolls

**Author's Note:**

> We don't just love chicken strips. Chicken strips love us too. Just like Oikawa loves Iwaizumi and Iwaizumi loves Oikawa.
> 
> we track this tag on tumblr as #i'm a setter not a sitter or #iasnas , so if you post anything related to our fic, please tag it with either or both of those!

_Ding dong._

Oikawa stared at the front door. Behind it stood regret in the form of two (probably) snotty little children that were going to become his responsibility for an entire week.

Perhaps he had been a bit too cocky when accepting the job. Perhaps he should have paid a bit more attention when he was told (twice) what time the two snotty kids would be at his house in the morning. Perhaps he should have childproofed the living room -- no, his life -- the night before so he would have time to, at the very least, blink in the morning. Perhaps he should have done a lot of things. But now, as he groggily trudged down the stairs, there was no time for him to think of what he should have done or what he shouldn’t have done. And then, as he opened the front door and stared down at the small pair of children, he could feel that perhaps he was already in over his head.

It was all due to a conversation from a couple of days ago. The memory was a sharp flashback of remorse.

_“Tooru~” his mother had sung as she knocked on his door. Oikawa took off his headphones and paused the volleyball videos he was in the middle of watching. She opened the door slightly and peeked in._

_“The Kageyamas are going out of town in a couple of days with their friends the Hinatas, and they were wondering if you’d be able to watch over their son, Tobio,” Oikawa winced at the name, “and the Hinatas’ boy, Shouyou. You remember Tobio, right?”_

_Oikawa twisted his lips into a sickeningly sweet smile. “Of course I remember Tobio-chan~ I don’t think I’ll have the time to babysit them--”_

_His mom laughed. “Okay, I thought you wouldn’t be able to do it~” Oikawa’s eye twitched. Was that a challenge?_

_“Wait!” Oikawa called out just as his mom lifted the phone to break the bad news. “I just remembered I don’t have anything planned for that week yet, so I can do it! You’ll see, mom, I’ll be the BEST babysitter ever.”_

_Ding dong._

The sound of the doorbell pulled Oikawa out of his silent brooding and reminded him of the two tiny packages of doom that were personally delivered to his house with a strict “no return” policy.

Oikawa took a deep breath and took a few steps towards the door. Pretend this is a match. A week long match, 2 vs 1. A match that you will not lose.

Before he could have any final thoughts, Oikawa flashed his usual smile, pulled the door open, and braced himself for the toughest match of his life (besides maybe Shiratorizawa).

He was immediately met by a shrill, unfamiliar voice.

“WOW!!! You’re so pretty!! And tall!! I want to be tall!! I want to be as tall as you!! Hi! Hi! Who are you?”

“Be quiet, dummy, you’re going to scare away Oikawa-san.”

“Tobio, don’t call Shou-chan a dummy! Where are your manners?” Kageyama’s mother gave Oikawa a small smile. “They’ve eaten breakfast already, so you don’t have to worry about that today. Mm, they have clothes and other things in their backpacks, and… well, I believe that’s it. Your mother has my phone number, so if you have any problems don’t hesitate to call.”

Oikawa could feel Tobio’s eyes staring small, irritating daggers into his flesh. Instead of reacting, he continued smiling, and gave a small nod. “I will, thank you Kageyama-san.”

She looked down to meet her son and Hinata’s eyes. “I told you both earlier, but now I will tell you again. Be good while we’re gone. Do not give Tooru-kun trouble, and listen to him. Don’t stay up late, and don’t give him reason to call me. Okay?” Both boys nodded eagerly, then Tobio’s mother looked back up at Oikawa. “Thank you, again, Tooru-kun.”

“Anytime, Kageyama-san!” Oikawa said. It shouldn’t have felt like a lie. He stood to the side and gestured for the two small boys to come in after the woman gave them both tight good-bye hugs. When she was gone and the door was closed, Oikawa let out a deep sigh.

It was going to be a long week.

“Hi! Hi! Who ARE you?” The tiny one (Shou-chan?) said.

“Don’t be annoying, Hinata! That’s Oikawa-san. He’s good at volleyball,” Kageyama scolded.

“I’M NOT ANNOYING, YOU ARE,” Hinata shouted loudly in an octave so high Oikawa could swear he lost part of his hearing. Hinata turned away from Kageyama and looked at Oikawa with wide eyes. “How good are you, Oik-san? This good-” Hinata held his arms out perpendicular to his body, “or THIS good?” he said as he dramatically spread his arms as wide as they could go, standing on his tippy toes for extra effect.

“....Oik-san?” Oikawa muttered, confused and maybe a little irked at his new nickname,

Kageyama furrowed his brow and glared at Hinata. “he’s not this good OR this good,” he said as he mimicked Hinata’s motions, “He’s so good you can’t even REACH it.”

“Like mommy’s cookie jar?” Hinata’s jaw dropped.

Kageyama nodded. “Yeah. Like your mom’s cookie jar.”

Oikawa felt himself losing brain cells from listening to their rambling. He needed silence. But how? How could he stop Hinata’s eardrum-piercing squeaks?

Suddenly, it hit him. It being Hinata running into his leg while trying to high five Kageyama’s retreating hand to prove he could jump. But also, the answer.

“Hey guys, I think the Power Rangers are on right now!”

Both their heads swiveled in Oikawa’s direction so fast he jumped back in shock.

“POWER RANGERS???”

“Yeah, let’s go watch, okay?”

Kageyama nodded while Hinata took off singing “GO GO ALIEN RANGERS, MIGHTY MORPHIN’ POWER RANGERS!!!”

“Shou-chan please take off your shoes!” Oikawa cried. He (his mom) just cleaned the house and he was not ready for another mess. “That’s not even where the TV is!”

Once Hinata and Kageyama were situated by the TV, Oikawa had them occupied with the Power Rangers. He leaned back against the wall, his eyes trained on the two distracted children, and sighed. This wouldn’t be so hard, right? It was only a week, after all. Only seven days. He was sure he could manage this for seven days.

And then five minutes passed and Hinata and Kageyama were already arguing. Again. Over which Power Ranger they were.

“I’m the Red Ranger!” Hinata announced.

“No, I am. Red Ranger is the leader, dummy. You can’t be the leader, you’re short!”

“I’m gonna tell your mom you called me a dummy, meanie!”

“No, don’t!” Kageyama lifted his hands defensively. “It’s just, Red Ranger is the strongest!”

Hinata glared. “I’m stronger than you.” He believed it so hard.

“Lying makes Santa hate you.”

“Neither of you can be Red Ranger because you don’t have enough experience. I’m the strongest, so I’M Red Ranger,” Oikawa said matter-of-factly.

“Not fair! Just because you’re tall--”

Kageyama cut Hinata off. “Oikawa-san is the Red Ranger.” He looked toward Oikawa for approval, but only got an opened-mouth sigh. He took it as approval anyway.

Hinata pouted and stood up. “Fine, then I’m the BLUE Ranger. He’s cooler anyway!”

“No, I’m blue.” Kageyama said.

“WELL THEN WHICH ONE AM I?!” Hinata shouted, frustrated.

“You’re the pink one.”

“BULLYYAMA, THAT'S A GIRL.”

Oikawa wished he was sleeping instead of hearing this. “Why’s that a bad thing? The Pink Ranger is cool. I mean, she was evil, but now she’s cool.”

Hinata and Kageyama both looked at Oikawa like he had said the most insightful thing that their five-year-old ears had and will ever hear. They gave up their argument there and turned their attention back to the TV.

Thankful for that one time he “accidentally” marathoned Power Rangers once (it had ALIEN in the title, how could he not?) and the fact that he put that argument to an end, Oikawa slumped down on the couch, eyes still on the two boys. As the next episode began, he noticed them starting to fidget from where they sat. Were they getting bored already? It didn’t even feel like it had been a minute since he sat down. But he said nothing, and just hoped that Kageyama and Hinata wouldn’t move for the next nine or so hours.

All good things have to come to an end eventually, though. Like volleyball matches. Except that this wasn’t a volleyball match like he wanted to make himself think. This wasn’t at all like a volleyball match, and no amount of pretending was going to change that. He had to look at it as it truly was. Babysitting.

He’d rather be playing volleyball. He’d always rather be playing vollyball.

As that thought passed through his mind, he noticed Hinata was standing beside him now, hopeful brown eyes staring him down. Kageyama was still sitting on the floor, but he was half-turned to face the two of them. He looked bored, which contrasted to Hinata’s weirdly excited expression.

“What?” Oikawa finally asked when Hinata started to shift from his left foot to his right.

“Let’s play a game! Can we? I’m bored! And he is, too, and we wanna play a game.”

“I’m not bored; I’m not childish like you!” Kageyama huffed. “But...games are fun...”

Oikawa wanted to decline and tell them both to keep watching Power Rangers, but maybe if he wore them out early, they would nap early. And that was a good thing. He pursed his lips and thought to himself for a moment, trying to think of a game they could play inside that wouldn’t result in utter chaos. Finally, he just decided to make one up.

He stood, and before he knew it, Kageyama was standing beside Hinata. The two stared up at him with excitement in their eyes, and he felt weird about it. Not a bad weird, though, so he figured it was nothing, and started explaining the brand-spankin’-new game that he just thought up.

“Alright, I have one--”

“Woo!!--”

“Shut up, idiot, Oikawa-san is talking--”

“You shut up--”

“ _It’s called_ ,” Oikawa began, louder this time, shutting the two boys up. “Protect the Grand King.”

“That sounds so cooooooooooool!!” Hinata jumped up and down.

“And, oh boy, it is. Here’s what you do. There are invisible trolls all around this room, like over there--” Oikawa gestured to the left. “--and there--” he gestured to the right. “There are a lot of them, and I can’t see them, so it’s your jobs to protect me. I will sit on my throne,” he explained, falling back onto his spot on the couch. “And you two will defeat all of the trolls.”

“Do we get weapons?” Kageyama asked, engaged in this new game’s explanation.

Oikawa bit his lip and thought for a moment before pretending to pull two staff-like weapons out of thin air. “Yes,” he handed absolutely nothing to them, but they both reached out and took their imaginary weapons with pride. “I’ll tell you when they’re all dead.”

“I thought you can’t see them?” Hinata tilted his head to the side.

“...I caaannnn… hear them! I can hear them, just not see them. And you two can see them, but not hear them… sooooo… when there are no more troll noises, I can be sure they’re all dead.”

Hinata and Kageyama didn’t ask anymore obvious questions about Oikawa’s flawed logic. Instead, the took stances in opposite spots in the room and started swinging their arms around randomly in hopes of hitting a troll.

“I can kill more trolls than you, Kageyama.”

“No, I’M the best troll killer!”

After a few minutes, Hinata ran back over to Oikawa, slapping his arm in various ways behind him. “Where are all of the trolls coming from, Grand King?” He was playing the part of Oblivious Knight very well.

“Um…” Oikawa had to pause and think. Then he grinned. “Nextdoor. The King of the Trolls is sending them from nextdoor. Now, get back over there! I don’t want any troll blood on me!”

“Yes, Grand King!” Hinata huffed, running and almost tripping back to his previous spot.

_Thank GOD_ , Oikawa thought. _Now I can relax._

* * *

BAM. WACK. Hinata swung his sword so fast and so hard that all the trolls died after one hit. One. That’s how pro he was. Bullyyama didn’t even stand a chance. A troll started coming toward him. It was super tall. It thought it got him, but oh no, that troll didn’t know what was coming.

“Guess what, troll, I CAN JUMP,” Hinata roared as he launched himself into the air, slicing through the Grand King’s enemies. But no matter how many he killed, they just kept on coming. He needed to discuss this with Kageyama, but he didn’t want to attract the trolls’ attention. Hinata threw himself on the ground and rolled over to his rival’s base.

“Pssst, Kageyama, the trolls just keep on coming! What should we do?”

“Fight, what else?” Kageyama said as he slashed a troll. It took two slashes to kill. And he said he was better.

“There has to be a quicker way!” Hinata insisted. Kageyama ignored him like the piece of soggy broccoli he was.

“Fine, I’ll figure it out myself!” Hinata huffed as he literally rolled away. It made him a little dizzy, but at least he wasn’t attacked by trolls.

_How can I stop the trolls from going after the Grand King_? Hinata wondered.  _!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !! ! ! !! OH. OH OH .OH OOH OH OOOOOH! IT MUST BE THE KING OF TROLLS. I NEED TO DEFEAT THE TROLL KING. I NEED TO FIGHT!!_  Hinata looked back at Kageyama, who was busy distracting a sea of enemies. _I don’t need his help, I can do it myself!! I’ll prove I’m strong!_

Hinata rolled up his sleeves, tightened the grip on his sword (it was so shiny and so cool, like a samurai sword but the size of a VOLLEYBALL COURT), and sneakily escaped the Grand King’s palace.

Outside of the palace was a huge battlefield. The grass was high and full of enemies. It was a dangerous journey, but he had to do it. He had to save the Grand King. Hinata took a sharp intake of breath, then let out his mightiest roar and he charged out into the field alone. Flying arrows that could suck his blood and tiny armies that could chirp and fly teamed up with the trolls to try and take him down, but Hinata was strong. Hinata was SO strong. He knocked those meanies right out of the sky and kept charging forward.

Hinata knew he was out of the battlefield when he saw it. He looked up and shivered.

“The Troll’s lair…” he whispered under his breath. His stomach twisted. “I think I’m going to be sick….”

_NO!_ He shouted in his mind. _THERE’S NO REASON TO BE AFRAID. I AM STRONG. I CAN FIGH_ T!!!

Before he could have any second thoughts, Hinata sprinted to the entrance and twisted the secret shiny knob that opened the stage to the BIG BOSS BATTLE. He took quiet steps, hoping that maybe, if he was lucky, the Troll King was asleep so he could just defeat him and leave. He tiptoed through the first floor. It was empty. Hinata eyed the pathway to the upper lair and gulped.

Up there was the troll’s private place. What if it was filled with dead people?? Or worse: broccoli?? He gripped his massive sword and began to climb. _I can do this I can do this I can do this I can-_

“Who are you?”

Hinata screamed.

* * *

When Iwaizumi heard that three tone alert from his phone indicating a message from his childhood friend ding for what seemed like ages, he knew he was in for an interesting day. He sighed and tried to find his phone. He rummaged through his room, then remembered he brought it into the bathroom in the morning. He yawned as he picked it up and read the text notifications.

_“Guess who’s officially a babysitter today~?  ☆〜（ゝ。∂）”_

_“Aw they’re kind of cute!”_

_“Ok scratch that, they’re kind of annoying”_

_“Why do I have to watch over Tobio-chan~”_

_“They’ve been here for an hour and I already can’t stand it~”_

_“Uh oh.”_

_“I can’t find the short one…”_

_“Don’t tell my mom”_

_“Iwa-chan….help…?”_

_“Iwa?”_

_“IWA-CHAN PLEASE”_

Iwaizumi massaged his temples to try and prevent the oncoming headache from dealing with Oikawa. Why the fuck would anyone trust Oikawa with their children. W h y. Hell, Iwaizumi wouldn’t trust Oikawa with his school pens.

Then, Iwaizumi saw movement from the corner of his eye and froze.

_What the fuck..._

_I’m home alone._

Iwaizumi walked slowly out of his bathroom, careful not to make a noise. There, in the middle of his room stood…

...A small, frightened child.

“Who are you?” Iwaizumi asked calmly. The kid jumped. He jumped what seemed like at least half his height. It was impressive.

“I-I’M HERE TO FIGHT YOU!” He yelled as he threw his fists up in the air. Iwaizumi stared.

“Fight me? ....Why?” The kid stood up and tried to puff his chest, but then his stomach made a weird noise, so he grabbed it and hunched over.

“G-grand king said you were a grumpy troll so I came to fight you so I can become strong and beat Kageyama!”

“Grand king…?” Who the hell was Grand...Oh.

“You don’t look like a troll but the Grand King said you were, so…” Iwaizumi sighed and rubbed his forehead. This is going to be a long day.

“I’m not a troll, but I’m the one that sends ‘monsters’ to ass-I mean the Grand King, if you count reminders as monsters,” Iwaizumi said. The small boy stared at him like a deer caught in headlights.

“How did you get into my house anyways?”

“The entrance to your troll lair was open!” The child huffed proudly. Iwaizumi smiled. This kid was really cute. He bent down and looked the redhead in the eyes.

“You know, the only way to defeat me is to take me to the Grand King.”

The kid’s eyes lit up like a christmas tree. “YOU’RE MY PRISONER NOW!!” He declared as he grabbed Iwaizumi’s wrist. He started to drag him out the door, but paused.

“What’s wrong?” Iwaizumi asked. The redhead turned to look at him, and his face was a little greener than usual.

“I...bathroom!!!” He shouted as he began to squirm. Iwaizumi picked him up and ran faster than he ever did in his life.

* * *

The redhead pulled at Iwaizumi’s hand as they attempted to leave his house for the second time that day. Oikawa really owed him now; not only did he find his missing child, but the kid made a mess of his bathroom as well. He seemed pretty embarrassed though, and Iwaizumi didn’t want to make him any more uncomfortable.

“Hey kid, what’s your name?” Iwaizumi asked, trying to lighten up the mood.

“Hinata Shouyou…” Hinata mumbled.

“How old are you?”

Hinata held out his free hand and extended all of his fingers. “This many…”

Iwaizumi let out a low whistle. “Wow, you’re five years old? That’s halfway to double digits. You’re a little man.”

Suddenly, Hinata was full of life like he was when he first met Iwaizumi.

“Uh-huh!! I’m five-years-old and I’m really tough and strong! I made it all the way here by myself!”

“You’re the only five-year-old I know who can defeat me, that’s for sure,” Iwaizumi said with a smile. “Now, let’s go visit the Grand King.”

“Yeah!!” Hinata cheered. “But wait, if you’re not a troll, what are you?”

“I’m Iwaizumi.”

“Zoomi...nii?” Hinata looked up at him with sparkling eyes.

Iwaizumi sighed, but let the corners of his mouth curl upward. “Yeah, Zoomi-nii.”

“Okay Zoomi-nii, you’re my prisoner and I’m turning you in to the Grand King!” Hinata stated as he tugged his hand once more and led him to Oikawa’s house.

* * *

Oikawa felt terrible. How in the world had this happened? Well, maybe he shouldn’t have been texting Iwaizumi, but that wasn’t the point. He was responsible. He was! He kept telling himself that, at least, while he searched the entire house for Hinata. He even had Kageyama helping him, though all he did was follow Oikawa around and yell Hinata’s name while Oikawa looked under and behind the furniture.

His mother was going to kill him. Then, she was going to bring him back to life and let the Kageyamas’ and Hinatas’ kill him. And then, the great Volleyball Gods would -- he shook the thought off. This was not a time to think about volleyball.

A loud knock at his front door had him standing straight up, nearly hitting his head on Kageyama’s chin. Why the hell was Kageyama standing so close to him?

“You should be looking for Shou-Chan!!” Oikawa grumbled, stomping over to the front door. He exhaled loudly when he heard Kageyama run up to his side, disregarding what he was just told. Oikawa opened the door and was automatically relieved. He had literally never been happier to see the color orange.

“Found him...” Kageyama said quietly, pointing to Hinata who stood on the other side of the door.

“You owe me, Grand King,” Iwaizumi grumbled. Hinata giggled, but didn’t make a move to go back inside of the house.

“I know.” Oikawa’s voice was sincere, for the most part. There was no longer any panic in his words. “Shou-Chan, what the he….ck were you thinking? You could have gotten hurt!”

Kageyama looked confused. “You had us fighting trolls for you. We could have died--”

“Not now, Tobio-Chan!”

Hinata was no longer smiling. Or, if he was, Oikawa couldn’t tell because the redhead was looking down at his feet. “I thought that if I fought the Troll King, I’d win!”

Sighing, Oikawa put his hand on Hinata’s shoulder. “Don’t look so glum, Shou-Chan. You did good! You defeated a whole army of trolls!” He paused. “You and Tobio-Chan both did a great job. One hundred points each.”

That cause both of them to beam excitedly. Then, getting his head back in the game, Hinata bowed. “I, uh… I brought you the Troll King! Can you see him?”

Kageyama automatically got back into his role as well. “Are you going to kill the Troll King yourself?”

Oikawa saw Iwaizumi flinch in what was probably surprise, because Hinata elbowed him in the shin. “Bow down to the Grand King, Zoomi-nii! Be respectful!”

Half expecting Iwaizumi to play along, Oikawa felt himself beginning to smirk. But it was wiped completely off when Iwaizumi responded. “I refuse. He’s not my king.”

And to that, Hinata gasped softly, coming up from his bow. “...I think Zoomi-nii is the Red Ranger.”

“I’m fine with that. Now go inside. There aren’t anymore trolls for you to fight.”

With a nod, Hinata stepped inside the house and beside Oikawa. It was awkwardly quiet between the four of them, nobody quite sure what to say at this point. Iwaizumi took the silence as his opportunity to go home and get a little more shut-eye.

However, he didn’t get halfway through his ‘good-bye’ before Oikawa interrupted him.

“Iwa-chan, wait! Um, would you--”

“Don’t.”

Oikawa cringed. “Please? Pleeease? I never ask you to do anything for me!”

“First of all, that is the biggest lie I have ever heard. Secondly, no.”

“But I already lost one! How can you expect me to make it through the weeeeek? Iwa-chaaan?”

“I’m not your mom, that won’t work on me.”

“Iwa-chaaaaaaaaaaaan, pleeeeeease,” Oikawa begged. Well, it didn’t exactly sound like begging. It sounded like whining. But that’s beside the point. And Iwaizumi would have said no again, but before he could, Hinata joined in.

“Please Zoomi-nii! We could play some more!! Pleeeeeeeeeeease? Pretty pretty please with a volleyball on top?”

“How can you say no to these faces?” Oikawa put his hands beneath Hinata’s and his own chins and squished their cheeks up. Kageyama, who looked left out, pressed his own hands to his own cheeks for emphasis.

Iwaizumi groaned loudly. “God. Okay, fine. Just stop doing… whatever that is.”

“Really?! You really mean it? You’ll help me?” Oikawa gasped happily.

“I’m doing it to protect the kids, not to help you,” Iwa muttered as he stepped further into Oikawa’s house, ruffling Kageyama’s hair as he passed by. Hinata pouted pointedly at Iwaizumi and headbutted his other hand, forcing him to ruffle it as well. Oikawa smiled and leaned down.

“Do I get a ruffle, mama Iwa?”

Iwa reached over and stuck his hands in Oikawa’s hair, rearranging the gel to form two horns on the top of his head.

“IWA-CHAN YOU BRUTE, MY HAIR WAS PERFECT!” Oikawa sobbed as he tried frantically to fix it.

“So was my morning. Shove it.”

“Shove it!” Hinata repeated. Iwaizumi froze, Kageyama looked lost, and Oikawa looked as though he was torn between laughing and screaming.

“Don’t say that, Shou-chan!” Oikawa tried to scold in between his gasps for air as he held back his laughter.

The kids followed Iwaizumi to the couch and Oikawa shut the door before following, but not before giggling to himself. He then joined them, sitting between Hinata and Kageyama while the two were completely fixated on what seemed to still be Power Rangers. He turned his attention to Iwaizumi after a moment, and gave him a gentle smile. “But _really_. Thank you.”

Iwaizumi nodded. “Of course.” Then, he paused, before turning to make eye contact with Oikawa. “By the way, I want half your pay.”

“H-half?” Oikawa squawked as though the word was not in his vocabulary. Iwaizumi just gave him an I’m not taking your shit today look, and Oikawa sighed, complying to the deal. “Fine… half.”

Despite the pay cut, Oikawa felt his chest flutter a little as he tried to hold back a goofy smile. _Maybe babysitting won’t be that bad if it means Iwa-chan will stay with me the whole week. Maybe..._

Oikawa looked over at the kids and immediately locked eyes with Kageyama, who stared at him intently, volleyball written in his eyes and that goddamn question seeping from every pore in his body. Oikawa cringed inwardly.

_...Or maybe not._


	2. Day 1, Part 2: Robot Kageyama's Off Button

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Oikawa open the fucking door.” Iwaizumi beat his fist against the bathroom door.
> 
> “Nnnnnooo~! You’ll yell at me, and I don’t want that to happen.”
> 
> Iwaizumi sighed loudly, retracting his hand from the door and pinching the bridge of his nose in frustration. “I agreed to watch two kids. Not three. I’m going to count to THREE, and if this door isn’t open by the time I finish counting, a bloody nose is going to be the least of your problems.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> literally what the fuck is a kid and why does it act like this?

As Iwaizumi saw it, there was no way he could leave Oikawa alone with Kageyama and Hinata while he went back over to his own house to shower and change. Lucky for him (or, perhaps unlucky if one wanted to see it that way), Oikawa had some of Iwaizumi’s clothes at his house. And at his own house, Iwaizumi had some of Oikawa’s. It was just a weird thing that just happened regularly after years and years of sleepovers. So that made it easier for him to come to the decision that, yes, he was going to take a shower in Oikawa’s bathroom.

Oikawa didn’t look too thrilled when Iwaizumi asked him to keep an eye on the kids for maybe seven minutes, but that could have either been because Oikawa didn’t want to watch the kids alone OR because, to Oikawa Tooru, seven minutes was not enough time to do all the primping and pampering one should be doing to themselves in the shower. But Oikawa knew better than to tell Iwaizumi he couldn’t do that right now, after all, he was going to sacrifice an entire week to help the other babysit. So he gave Iwaizumi a nod in approval.

Ruffling Hinata’s wild hair as he stood, Iwaizumi announced that he’d be back in a few minutes, and took his leave in the direction of Oikawa’s room. He found his clothes where Oikawa always kept them hidden away, and made his way to the bathroom. As he turned the knobs to start the shower, he thought he heard the faint sound of someone crying. He shook off the thought. The kids would be fine with Oikawa for seven minutes…

  _...Let’s make it five minutes._

* * *

As soon as the door to Oikawa’s room had shut, Hinata started to cry. Loudly. Oikawa and Kageyama both stared at him.

“What? What is it?” Oikawa asked, his voice sounding frantic and worried. Who just randomly cries for no reason? Something had to be terribly wrong, right? But instead of responding, Hinata just continued to cry. “Shou-chan, why are you crying? Are you hungry? Do you want to watch a different cartoon? What--”

“Where d-did Zoomi-nii g-go?” Hinata cried, wiping tears from his eyes with small hands. 

“He went to take a shower, Shou-chan, didn’t you hear him?” Oikawa asked, genuinely confused. Iwa barely left a minute ago, why was Hinata crying now? 

“I want Zoomi-nii!!!” Hinata cried louder. Kageyama watched him, clearly alarmed by the sudden outburst. Oikawa frantically looked around the room for something, anything, to stop the screeching. A sudden tug on his arm filled him with relief. _Maybe Tobio-chan will know what to do!_

Oikawa turned his head and forced a smiled at Kageyama. 

“What is it?” He asked, trying his best to sound at least a little calm, but failing. Kageyama flinched.

“I-is Iwaizumi-san coming back?” Kageyama asked quietly, eyebrows scrunched in concern. His eyes were shimmering too- oh god, were those tears??

“ZOOMI-NII’S NOT COMING BACK???” Hinata wailed, throwing himself on the floor. “ZOOMI-NII, ZOOMI-NIIIIIIII~” Hinata rolled around, flailing his arms and legs, hitting anything in his way. One of his arms hit Oikawa’s legs, causing him to stumble. Oikawa’s knee hit the leg of a table and he cursed under his breath, but just so happened to make eye contact with Kageyama, who started tearing up even more. 

“I’MSORRYOIKAWA-SANIDIDN’TMEANTOMAKEYOUMAD-” Kageyama frantically cried as the tears started to flow. Oikawa just stared.

Then, he snapped.

“SHOU-CHAN, CALM DOWN. IWA-CHAN IS COMING BACK, HE’S JUST IN THE SHOWER,” Oikawa shouted, grabbing Hinata’s arms to try and stop the flailing. Hinata cried harder, trying to wiggle free. Kageyama cried too, all while mumbling out “IMSORRYIMSORRYIMSORRY.” 

Oikawa let out a frustrated groan as he threw himself over Hinata and tried to secure him like in those cop shows Iwaizumi always made him watch. After a tiny fist to the face (his poor face-!) Oikawa managed to secure the trembling Hinata, but the screams didn’t stop. 

“HINATA I SWEAR TO GOD IWA-CHAN IS GOING TO COME BA-” the sound of the door interrupted Oikawa’s sentence. He looked up and there, illuminated by the hallway lights, stood his friend, his savior, his-

“IWA-CHAN HELP ME!!” Oikawa wailed. Hinata’s screams subsided as he looked up to the doorway.

“ZOOMI-NII!!”  he cried, wriggling more frantically, trying to escape Oikawa’s hold. Oikawa could hear Kageyama’s sniffles subsiding behind him as well.

“What the fuck happened in here…?” Iwa asked with a sigh. “I leave for five minutes and Hinata is pressed against the floor screaming and Kageyama is in tears. Literally what the fuck Oikawa.” 

“It’s not my fault, Hinata just started crying when you left so I had to stop him-”

“So you tackled him.”

“I didn’t tackle him I-” Hinata wriggled out of Oikawa’s hold and ran to Iwaizumi.

“ZOOMI-NII, ZOOMI-NII, I MISSED YOU, DON’T LEAVE ME,” Hinata cried as he clung onto Iwa’s leg. Iwaizumi pulled him up and carried him in his arms.

“I’m here now, okay? I’m sorry for leaving, I’ll tell you next ti-”

“BRING ME, BRING ME!”

“Okay I’ll bring you next time unless you can’t come, so don’t cry,” Iwa said calmly as he rubbed Hinata’s back with one hand while supporting his weight in the other. He turned to look at Oikawa.

“Oikawa, go cool off for awhile. I can watch them for a bit, so just...go to the bathroom or something and take a breather. Just don’t run away, or I will hunt you down and find you.” 

“Thank you, Iwa-chan,” Oikawa said gratefully as he walked off to go to the bathroom. He had no idea how he was going to survive another 6 days. 

_What are kids?_ Oikawa asked himself as he shut the bathroom door and turned on the sink faucet... _definitely little demons_ , he concluded in his head as he washed off his face. _There is no way a human being can cry that much for no reason whatsoever._  

As he dried off his face, he looked at himself in the mirror. It had only been a day and he already looked more tired than he did after long volleyball practices. He took a deep breath and put his hands on his cheeks. 

_All you have to do is watch over two small children for 7 days. 7 days. and you’re almost done with the first. You’ve got this, Oikawa Tooru, you can conquer anything._

Feeling much more confident than before, Oikawa turned the knob to open the door. Kids aren’t even that bad, he thought to himself as he went to open the door-

“Oikawa-san will you teach me how to serve?” 

Oikawa screamed and slammed the door shut.

* * *

Had he done something wrong? Kageyama saw the red smear on the back of his hand after wiping his nose. He had definitely done something wrong if Oikawa had slammed the door in his face. But what? He didnt know…

All he knew was his nose was bleeding at the moment.

“Iwaizubi-san...?” Kageyama called, a little scared, turning back to the living room where Iwaizumi sat on the couch, Hinata close beside him. When Iwaizumi saw the red dripping from Kageyama’s nose, two different looks crossed his face.

“What happened?” Iwaizumi stood up quickly. Hinata stood up too and tried to match Iwaizumi’s steps as they moved over to Kageyama.

“Oikawa-san shut the door id my face--”

“Tilt your head back so it doesn’t drip everywhere… Hinata, will you grab that box of tissues over there for m--”

“Kageyama you’re bleeding!! YOU’RE BLEEDING FROM YOUR NOSE!!” The redhead seemed to just come to this realization, pointing at Kageyama’s face with wide, frightened eyes.

“I dow!” Kageyama shouted. “I DOW, I DON’T LIKE IT EITHER.”

Iwaizumi had grabbed a box of tissues while the two screamed about Kageyama’s bloody nose and gently tilted the raven haired boy’s head back. “Don’t freak out. This is normal. Or… okay, plug these up your nose to stop the bleeding, and keep your head tilted so it doesn’t drip everywhere--”

“IT’S GOING DOWD BY THROAT! I’M GOING TO CHOKE!” Kageyama began to cry again, and Hinata was closer to them now, staring at Kageyama the way they looked at vegetables: with a mixture of disgust and horror. “I THINK I’B DYING.”

“You’re not dying.” Iwaizumi said calmly. He picked Kageyama up and sat him on the couch. “Keep the tissues in, I’m serious. Hinata, stay with him. I’ll be right back.”

Hinata saluted Iwaizumi when he walked past, and then the ginger plopped down beside Kageyama on the couch. “Remember to keep your head tilted like--”

“I’b not dub like you, I heard hib!”

Hinata pouted and folded his arms, pulling his eyebrows down to form a small scowl. “At least I don’t sound like a dummy right now!”

“You always sound like a dubby, dubby!”

“I’m gonna tell Zoomi-nii!”

Kageyama grabbed Hinata’s arm. 

“I’m sorry, blease don’t tell Iwaizubi-sad.”

Hinata pouted, but didn’t pull away. 

“Okay…” he muttered as he sat back down. “But let me help you!” 

“Fide,” Kageyama said. He fidgeted a little. Hinata was really close. It was warm. But in a good way. Not like the warm he felt when the blood touched his face. That was icky.

Hinata sat down next to Kageyama, placed a pillow on his lap, then began hitting it with his hand. Kageyama stared in confusion.

“Lie down here!” Hinata said as he motioned to his lap. 

“No, dubby, Ib not going to do that!” 

“You said I could help you! Just put your head here and let me hold your tissues for you!” Hinata said stubbornly. 

“F...Fide…” Kageyama muttered reluctantly, placing his head gently on Hinata’s lap. Hinata pushed the strands of hair out of Kageyama’s face and held the tissues to his nose.

“I’m going to make you all better!” Hinata declared happily as he began to hum the Power Rangers theme song. Kageyama looked up and saw Hinata’s beaming face. His lap was really comfortable, and his smile was nice. _Maybe_ , he thought, _I should let Hinata help me more often_.

* * *

“Oikawa open the fucking door.” Iwaizumi beat his fist against the bathroom door.

“Nnnnnooo~! You’ll yell at me, and I don’t want that to happen.”

Iwaizumi sighed loudly, retracting his hand from the door and pinching the bridge of his nose in frustration. “I agreed to watch two kids. Not three. Now, I’m going to _count_ to THREE, and if this door isn’t open by the time I finish counting, a bloody nose is going to be the least of your problems.”

Oikawa’s nervous laugh was muffled. “You can’t be serious right? You know that counting tactic won’t work on m--”

“One.”

“You… that won’t work on--”

“ _Two_ , Oikawa.”

“I-Iwa-chan, don’t say it!”

“Thr--”

Oikawa pulled the door open, one hand out to shield him from whatever Iwaizumi may do. His friend stood with his arms folded, a disapproving look on his face.

“I’m sor--”

“You gave Kageyama a bloody nose and then you _locked_ yourself in the bathroom to hide from me. Are you a five-year-old, too?”

Oikawa winced at the offhanded insult. “You’re so cruel, the way you say things like that.”

Iwaizumi was glaring at him. “You gave. Kageyama. A bloody. Nose. Go apologize. I’m going to make lunch, because it’s that time, and you’re going to sit in there with them. You’re also going to clean off Kageyama’s face when you make sure his nose is done bleeding, and you’re going to be nice to him from this moment forward.”

The other seemed offended by practically every single word his friend had said. “I’m always nice to Tobio-cha--”

“ _Oikawa_.” Iwaizumi said firmly. He was tired of this shit.

Sighing, the other walked past Iwaizumi. “Yeah, yeah, yeah.”

Iwaizumi followed him back to the living room where Kageyama was lying on the couch, his head on a pillow on Hinata’s lap. It was a cute sight, disregarding the situation. “I’m going to make lunch for you guys, so I’ll be right in there,” Iwaizumi gestured toward the kitchen, which was just the next room over. “Oikawa is going to stay in here with you.”

“Zoomi--” Hinata began, his brown eyes getting wide.

“Hinata, I’ll be right in there. If anything happens, I’ll be in here fast enough to kick his butt for you.”

“H-hey!” Oikawa whined, snapping his head in Iwaizumi’s direction. “That’s not nice!”

“ _Speaking_ of not being nice, isn’t there something you wanted to say to Kageyama?”

Kageyama sat up slightly, only to have Hinata push him back down on the pillow with the sternest look a small 5-year-old could muster. Kageyama’s eyes, however, were on Oikawa now. Actually, everyone’s were. Especially Kageyama’s.

A big sigh pushed itself from Oikawa’s lips and he bowed his head slightly in Kageyama’s direction. “I’m sorry, Tobio-chan. I didn’t mean to… give you a bloody nose.”

And for some reason, Kageyama began to beam. His eyes sparkled a little as he spoke. “It’s okay, Oikawa-sad! It doesn’d eved hurt that much!!”

“Well, now that _that’s_ settled, I’m going to start lunch.” Before Iwaizumi made a move for the kitchen, he pulled Oikawa over to him, and jerked his arm down so he could speak lowly in his friend’s ear. “If I come back in here and those kids look terrified, I’m literally going to kick your ass to space.”

Oikawa just smiled as though Iwaizumi’s words didn’t faze him, but once the other was in the kitchen and out of his sight, Oikawa gulped. He turned slowly back to the pair of children on the couch. Kageyama was still lying with his head in Hinata’s lap, but their attention was pointed back at the TV again. Power Rangers wasn’t on anymore, it was some other cartoon that Oikawa had never seen or cared to see. But the kids were distracted and quiet, so he didn’t care. He took a seat on on the arm of the couch and fidgeted with the hair that hung in front of his face for a moment before letting himself be distracted by the cartoon as well...

 

Then, two hours later, after a messy lunch, a stubborn Oikawa (“no, Shou-chan, Tobio-chan, this milk bread is mine, go find your own!”), and a couple of cartoons, the kids were calm and quiet. Hinata sat in between both of his babysitters while Kageyama leaned against Oikawa’s side. Iwaizumi looked down at the two kids and saw their eyes fluttering more frequently than before. He slid off the couch (careful not the distract Hinata) and turned to Oikawa.

“I’m going to go clean the kitchen, you stay here and watch the kids, okay?” He said quietly. Oikawa nodded and gave him a lazy smile. 

“Bye bye, Iwa-chan~” He sang softly as he watched his best friend exit the room. Oikawa felt a tiny hand loosen its grip on his arm. The kids are falling asleep, he noted with a sigh of relief. Careful not to wake the children, he leaned forward, grabbed the remote, and lowered the volume of the Television. 

There, now they can sleep peacefully, Oikawa thought as he stared at the two peaceful children on each of his sides. Hinata hugged onto his left arm, snoring, while Kageyama leaned his head gently against Oikawa’s right, breathing silently but steadily. 

They’re actually...kind of cute...he noted as his own eyelids began to droop. 

_Sleep...that’s a good idea. I like sleep._

* * *

Iwaizumi dried his hands on the front of his jeans and looked over the now-clean kitchen. He didn’t make a huge mess while making lunch, but Hinata did come in at one point looking to help and ended up spilling something that Iwaizumi couldn’t clean up while the food was cooking, or it would burn. It was sticky when he finally got around to cleaning it, but that left him with more quiet time in the kitchen--

Quiet time. That was unsettling. Two rambunctious children and Oikawa should not equal silence, especially after the hectic display laid out before him earlier, courtesy of his biggest fan Hinata, Kageyama’s bloody nose, and Oikawa just being himself.

He hesitated before stepping out of the kitchen to see what was going on. He hoped to god he wouldn't have to live up to the promise of kicking Oikawa’s ass all the way into space. It was something he would do, but he didn’t really want to. However, the scene he saw did not give him the urge to make his friend become an astronaut. What he saw instead could only be described as adorable.

Hinata and Kageyama were leaning against Oikawa, fast asleep. Hinata had what looked like a very loose hold on Oikawa’s arm, whereas Kageyama seemed to be using Oikawa’s other arm as a pillow. Between the child sandwich, Oikawa was asleep as well. His head hung a bit, but not much, and his mouth was open slightly. All of their breathing was almost completely synched. Iwaizumi smiled. Then he thought about how if he were Makki or Mattsun, he’d be taking this moment to snapshot some blackmail. But it was too cute to use against Oikawa.

That didn’t stop him from taking a picture of it anyway. Not for blackmail purposes, oh no. For Iwaizumi purposes. Purposes such as saving it as his lock screen. And Oikawa would never know.

After he slid his phone back into his pocket, he stepped up to the couch and shook Oikawa gently. The brunet flinched a bit, startled from being shaken awake. He stared up at Iwaizumi with sleepy eyes and a drowsy smile, and yawned before he spoke.

“Sorry… naps are contagious.”

“That’s fine…” Iwaizumi grinned lightly down at his friend. “Sorry for waking you. I… don’t really remember why I did.”

“You nap, too.” Oikawa told him, taking his hand and guiding him to sit on the other side of Hinata. He dropped his voice into a whisper. “Just for a little while. We’ll be up before the kids… probably.”

Iwaizumi snorted, and Oikawa smiled at the soft noise. “Okay.”

It was silent again after that, aside from the hum of the TV. Oikawa dozed off quickly, having been half asleep when Iwaizumi sat down and even before then. Eventually, Iwaizumi drifted off as well, with his hand still in Oikawa’s hold, over Hinata’s tiny, sleeping form.

* * *

Oikawa, Hinata, and Kageyama all sat at the dinner table, waiting for Iwa to bring out the food. Hinata looked at Oikawa with wide, questioning eyes. Oikawa sighed.

“What is it, Shou-chan?” 

“You and Zoomi-nii are friends, right?” Hinata asked.

“Yeah, we’re not just friends; we’re _best_ friends,” Oikawa gloated as he took a sip from his glass of water.

“So do best friends always hold hands?” 

Oikawa choked on his water. Before he could get an answer out, Iwaizumi walked in with four bowls of ramen balanced on his arms. 

“RAMENNNN!!!!” Hinata cheered and Kageyama stared at the bowls longingly, a drop of drool escaping his lips. 

“Asskawa, help me with these!” Iwaizumi commanded.

“Yessir!” Oikawa said with a mock salute as he grabbed two bowls and placed them in front of Hinata and Kageyama. Hinata reached for his chopsticks, but Kageyama placed a hand over his and looked up expectantly at Oikawa.

“You can start eating if you want to,” Oikawa said and the two of them stuck their chopsticks into their bowls faster than a runner reacting to the starting gun. 

About 5 minutes into dinner, Hinata jumped out of his seat, clutching his bowl as he ran up to Iwaizumi.

“Zoomi-nii!! Zoomi-nii!! Seconds??” He asked with sparkling eyes. Oikawa stared in utter amazement because Holy SHIT, I can barely finish a bowl of this stuff, and this kid is five.

Iwaizumi looked inside Hinata’s bowl, then back up at Hinata.

“Finish your soup first,” he scolded. “I’ll give you more once it’s completely empty.” 

“Okay~,” Hinata sighed as he began to walk back to his seat. As he turned around, his foot caught on Oikawa’s chair. 

For a moment, everything seemed to move in slow motion. Hinata tripping forward, losing his grip on his bowl; Oikawa leaning with outstretched arms, trying but failing to catch the loose container; Iwa, eyes widening as he realized everything that was happening in front of him, and Kageyama, eyes tracing the bowl’s line of motion as it arched in the air and began its descent, falling straight down...

...Right onto Kageyama’s head. The bowl covered his eyes and soup trickled down his face, wet bangs poking out of the plastic container on his head. The table stared in silence as Kageyama slowly pushed the bowl up from his eyes. 

“K-kageyama?” Hinata squeaked as Kageyama threw him the most menacing glare Oikawa had ever seen on a five-year-old child. Hinata clutched the side of the table as he shivered, too scared to see Kageyama’s reaction.

Kageyama continued to glare at him as his hand reached out for Hinata’s juice glass. He grabbed it, lifted it from the table, and with one fluid motion, he dumped the liquid all over Hinata’s head.

“Now we’re even,” Kageyama muttered as he pulled the bowl off his head. Oikawa spotted a couple of meat slices sliding down his scalp. Disgusting. 

Hinata’s eyes began to quiver as he stared at Kageyama, then turned to stare at Iwaizumi and Oikawa.

“It’s _STICKY_ ,” He cried, then turned back to Kageyama, grabbed his glass of milk, and splashed it all over his friend’s face. 

“NOT MY MILK,” Kageyama yelled as he wiped his eyes dry. He stuck his hand into his ramen bowl, grabbed a handful of noodles, and stuffed them down Hinata’s shirt. Hinata giggled.

“It tickles~” He burst out laughing and looked up at Kageyama. “Y-you have pork in  your hair!!” He cried and laughed even harder.

Kageyama ran a hand through his hair and pulled out two meat strips. His eyes were fixated on them for a moment, then suddenly he burst out into laughter as well. 

“At least I don’t have noodles in my shirt!”

“THEY’RE IN MY PANTS NOW!!” Hinata squealed, squirming on the floor. Kageyama laughed harder, milk dripping down his face. 

“Okay, you guys need to clean off, you’re disgusting,” Oikawa scolded, pushing away from the table so he could stand up and pull the juice-covered Hinata off the floor. He was going to have to clean that later. Great.  

“Yeah, you two need to shower,” Iwa agreed.

“Can we have a bubble bath?” Kageyama asked.

“BUBBLE BATH???!! I LOVE BUBBLES AND I LOVE BATHS. I LOVE BUBBLE BUBBLE BUBBLY BATHS!!!” Hinata chanted as he shot off the floor and ran in circles, leaving trails of noodles in his path. 

“Okay fine, you guys can have a bubble bath, but you’re having it right now, okay?” 

Kageyama and Hinata cheered as Iwaizumi led them upstairs. Oikawa stared back at the noodle trail Hinata left and inwardly cried as he pictured all the work it would take to clean this house later. 

And later became that very second, because he didn’t want to forget there were noodles leading up the stairs until he slipped on one and busted his ass, or one of the kids or Iwaizumi. He grabbed a napkin and quickly picked the noodles up from the floor, making faces when the soggy noodles touched his fingers. The noodle trail led all the way up the staircase but ended a only a short way down the hall. He literally had a handful of noodles. He'd have to remind himself later to clean up all of the juice and other liquids remaining on the kitchen floor.

He entered the bathroom as the water in the tub was rising (and looked to be mostly bubbles at that point). Tossing the useless napkin and handful of noodles into the tiny wastebasket by the door, he wiped his hands on the hand towel and then sighed. his hand was sticky now. But he couldn’t complain. It could be worse, he could have undies full of them like Hinata did.

Just then, something wreaking of instant ramen slapped Oikawa in the face. Iwaizumi was waving Hinata and Kageyama’s clothes in his face, clearly attempting to hit him, to get his attention. “Put these in your laundry room and then come back in here. I’m not cleaning them by myself.”

“O...kie dokie!” Oikawa hesitated before grabbing the clothes and escaping to the laundry room. The day was almost over with and that made him feel a bit more confident. Then the realization that six more days of this were to come and his joy faltered. It couldn’t be too horrible, though… He had Iwa-chan with him, after all...

There wasn’t enough dirty laundry in the room to start a load, so he tossed Hinata and Kageyama’s dirty things in the nearest basket, grabbed two fresh towels, and walked back to the bathroom, where Iwaizumi leaned against the wall while Hinata and Kageyama made bubble beards.

The boys wanted to play, but Iwaizumi and Oikawa decided it would be best to wash them up first. Hinata and Kageyama closed their eyes and scrunched their noses up while Oikawa and Iwaizumi scrubbed the juice and ramen broth and milk off of them, and made sure all of the noodles and other ingredients were picked off before they allowed Hinata and Kageyama any bath play time.

“Let’s play Robots!” Hinata said once Oikawa and Iwaizumi were up and drying their hands on the towel hanging from the wall.

“That’s stupid, dummy.” Kageyama began matter-of-factly. “Robots can’t be in water, or they’ll explode because robots and water don’t mix. Don’t you know anything about--”

Kageyama was silenced, which caught Iwaizumi and Oikawa off guard. They turned back toward the tub, even with their hands still somewhat damp, to see Hinata pressing a finger on Kageyama’s nipple. 

“Boop.”

When he pulled his hand away and dropped it back into the bubbly water, he looked up at Oikawa with a serious face. “It’s his ‘off’ button.”

Oikawa lost it right then and there. He almost fell onto the floor. He had one hand on Iwaizumi’s shoulder to keep himself upright and the other clutching his stomach as he hacked out too-loud laughs.

“OH my GOD,” he said between breaths. He felt Iwaizumi shaking slightly under his hand, indicating he was trying super hard to hold back a laugh (that, or he was resisting the urge to punch Oikawa’s lights out for laughing so loud at something so weird.) “Shou-chan, you got me. I- wow, that was…” he stood up straight, inhaling sharply. Both kids were staring at him. “That was funny. Anyway! Time to get out.”

“...Yeah. It’s nearly bedtime.” Iwaizumi added.

A collective groan came from the bathtub boys as they stood. Iwaizumi helped them out of the tub one at a time and Oikawa pulled the plug so the water could drain. He saw several noodles escape down the drain as the water was emptied from the tub.

“Their pajamas are in their backpacks. I’ll get the--”

“Oooh, no. You’re going to dry them off. I’ll get their pajamas. You’ve been slacking off today.”

Oikawa pouted but complied, taking over the duty of toweling the children dry while Iwaizumi stalked back down the stairs to get a pair of pajamas for both Hinata and Kageyama. Oikawa started with Hinata after wrapping a towel around Kageyama’s pale shoulders. Hinata could do most of it himself, which was good considering Oikawa didn’t really like this part of the job. When Hinata was done drying his body, Oikawa took his towel and ruffled his hair with it until it looked like it normally did with the exception of being damp.

Then it was time to dry Kageyama. He dried himself as well, minus the hair, and Oikawa took that job for him, too. “Uh. Tobio-chan, do you take a brush to your hair when you get out of the bath or does it just… stay like that?”

Kageyama shrugged. “It stays, I guess.”

“Okaaaaaaaaaaay~ IWA-CHAN where are you~?” Oikawa called loudly, leaning away from the kids a bit to keep from shattering any tiny eardrums.

As though on cue, Iwaizumi walked into the bathroom with two pairs of pajamas. “You hid their backpacks on me.”

“You never asked where they were~”

“Oikawa, I swear to god…”

“Ookkkayyyy, Shou-chan, Tobio-chan, we’re going to ignore Mr. Grumpy Gills over there and follow me to your room~” Oikawa sang, pushing Iwaizumi out of the way to lead the kids through the hallway. They stopped at the guest room diagonal from Oikawa’s. 

“You two will be staying in here, is that okay? The beds are really comfy!” Oikawa said as he poked at one of the mattresses to demonstrate. Hinata jumped onto one of the beds. 

“I’M GOING TO HAVE A SLEEPOVER WITH KAGEYAMA FOR A WEEK?? YAY!!” Hinata shouted as he bounced up and down on the mattress. Kageyama glanced over at Hinata, then looked at Oikawa questioningly. 

“Is it okay for Hinata and I to stay together?” Kageyama asked. Oikawa slapped him on the back.

“It will be fine, don’t worry! Now, Iwa-chan, let me show you your room!” 

As the two older boys left the room, Kageyama ran over to his own bed after slightly closing the door. Oikawa led Iwaizumi to his older sister’s abandoned room.

“You know, you didn’t have to bring me here, right?” Iwa sighed as he plopped down on the bed. “And I don’t need my own entire room, either. It’s not like this is the first time I’m staying over.”

“I know~ but I wanted to talk to you more without the kids here~” Oikawa hummed. “Besides, since you’re staying with me for the whole week to watch other these demons--I mean, small children, I figured I should let you have your own room as a reward or something.”

“Well…I mean...it’s not like I dislike sharing a room with you…” Iwaizumi muttered. “Sharing a bed is just as comfortable as having my own…” 

Oikawa felt his ears turning red. “Does that mean you want, to sleep with me, Iwa-chan?” Oikawa teased. Iwaizumi threw a pillow at him. 

“N-no, Shittykawa, I’m just saying this was unnecessary! I’d rather stay here than have you kick me all night and wake me up when you sleep talk about aliens or shit like that-”

“It’s not ‘shit,’ it’s _ancient knowledge_ , and well I guess it’s a good thing you have your own room then!” Oikawa huffed. “I’m glad Shou-chan and Tobio-chan are mature enough to stay in a room together without complai--"

A loud crash and a shrill scream interrupted Oikawa mid-sentence. The two teens rushed out of the room as quickly as possible and burst through the children’s door. 

The room was a mess. All the sheets were on the floor. There was a pillow lodged _inside_ a slightly opened window and another stuck inside a vent. Clothes were strewn everywhere, There was a _mattress_ leaned against a wall, and-

“Hinata,” Oikawa asked faintly. “W-where are your pants?”

Hinata and Kageyama looked to the ground and squirmed.

“Where. Are. Your _pants_.”

“I-I pushed Kageyama’s mattress off his bed...so he took my pants and…”

“What did you do?” Oikawa gritted out.

“I-I threw them out the window…” Kageyama whispered reluctantly. “He made me mad.” 

“Mad. He made you mad, so you decided to throw his pants out the window.  _WHAT Made you think that was a GOOD IDEA???”_  Oikawa wheezed through the biggest smile he could plaster on his face, but his eye was twitching from the pain of holding it. 

“I...I don’t think we should share a room, Oikawa-san,” Kageyama whispered. 

“You _THINK_?” 

“Okay, okay. Kageyama, you go stay in my room. We’ll clean up this mess, then once we’re done, pack your things and go over there,” Iwa said calmly as he motioned to the room he and Oikawa just exited. 

“But first….go outside with Oikawa and...please find Hinata’s pants.” 

“I dunno, Zoomi-nii, I kinda like having no-”

_“Go find Hinata’s pants.”_

* * *

Oikawa and Iwaizumi laid side by side in Oikawa’s bed, staring at the glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling. Hinata and Kageyama were finally asleep in their own separate rooms thanks to Iwaizumi’s sacrifice, but the two teenage boys still had a long way to go before giving in for the day. 

“Well...what a day,” Oikawa said, all emotion void in his voice .

“What a day…” Iwaizumi repeated. While the room issue with the two boys was a disaster, he was glad that it let him stay in Oikawa’s room - he always felt more at home in this house when he was in Oikawa’s room, lying beside his best friend. He slept best when he was with Oikawa, even if his friend rolled and kicked in his sleep; there was something comforting about feeling his warmth against his back or sprawled across his chest. He’d never admit it to Oikawa, but he really loved the nights they spent together. 

“I can’t believe Kageyama threw Hinata’s pants out the window,” Iwaizumi commented, eliciting a sigh. 

“I can’t believe this entire day _happened_. I hope tomorrow is better,” Oikawa groaned. 

“You have to admit, it was kind of fun.”

“Yeah, I guess~” Oikawa sighed. “Well, goodnight, Iwa-chan.”

“Goodnight, Asskawa. Tomorrow will be better for sure.”

“Yeah~” Oikawa yawned sleepily as he snuggled against Iwaizumi’s back. He always got a little more clingy when he was tired. It was cute.

Just as Iwaizumi began to nod off, Oikawa started mumbling in his sleep. Usually, it was about stars or UFOs, but today, the only phrase Iwaizumi could decipher made him feel concerned for the upcoming days.

_“I still don't understand children... what **are** they...”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Oikawa voice* ya~hoo!
> 
> Anyway! Just a little hint/spoiler about next chapter: get ready to see your favorite owls and cats as... _smol children!!!!_


End file.
